clues guide me

Its my 6 year anniversary since I quit my full time job and went full time Influencer. A frustrating week at work that led to the pure thought that I was wasting my time building someone else’s dream when I could be working on mine.

What is the point of living if you dont foam at the mouth at your dreams being reality? Why suffer for anything less than what you truly believe is yours?

I didn’t quite remember todays date but my Instagram archive reminded me - I moved into one of my best and fav apartments in nyc in October 2021. From there I’m reminded it is this same date I quit my 9-5 to do all this full time. October, you always are transformational. I go into a rabbit hole recounting the last 6 years in America and the beautiful chaotic seasons I’ve experienced.

Its crazy how Ive gotten here - from Lagos to Reading to Abuja to Lagos to New York City to Los Angeles. Its crazier that some of you have been here since Lagos (on Tumblr) or Reading (on Youtube & Instagram). Kinda wild! That’s like 10+ years… wild!

Id say it started in NYC but it started in Lagos. I was done pursuing Law even though I wanted to do Fashion Design in College - that’s one thing i’ll always regret but it wasn’t my choice. After 3 years in Reading, and another 1 year studying at The Nigerian Law School, I was deeply unhappy with my life. 8 year old me imagined Hollywood, lights, camera, action or at least a life in America as a single woman with a beautiful apartment lol - interesting I didn’t picture a man in my dreams lol.

I was in bed, reflecting and the weight of my sadness reminded me of my dreams and in October 2016, I knew I had to move out of Nigeria to America.

Jan 2017, after a missed flight and dead phone, I finally made it to NYC. Truly with no plan beyond getting whatever job, housing and going to Parsons to get a continuing ed certificate in fashion design. I really want this! After so many loopholes around getting a stable job, I actually got one of the best ones and a few months after in October 2017 - I realized working a 9-5 was as similar as being in Uni studying a degree I didn’t want. So many clues pointed me to quitting to pursue the full length of my dreams - i’ll get into it another time.

Between October 2017- January 2018, brutal stuff no Influencer jobs and the anxiety and depression were taking over. Luckily, February had the start of greatness and Ive never been without work since then. My first campaign as a full time Influencer was with Clinique. I was on set and super proud!

So many years later, Im in this incredible apartment in NYC and at the height of feeling I have it all, I still ask God “is this it?” “is this the height of my dreams?”

I ask this because Im a big dreamer and I know I want more than all this. It was the question that started the ripple effect on actually making meaningful change.

A few months later, the next year 2023, Im getting more restless on how unsatisfied I am with where I am. Beautifully furnished apartment, yet so uncomfortable. I revisit my goals - like the deep real ones, and its Acting. The one Ive always wanted.

Very nervous about it but my therapist encourages me to try it out and I knew I wanted it, when the class I was too scared to pay for filled up and I was upset but they opened up a new one and I jumped on it. I was terrible at first - was too nervous to remember my lines or say it but like everything in life - it takes time!

A few months after taking these classes and solidifying my interest, I get this email that my landlord is offering a shortened lease so I get to end my lease in June than my usual October in 2023. This was very strange to me so I was anxious about it - when you’ve done years focused on your true purpose and dreams, you see the patterns easily. In June, I was making this decision from out of the blue, months after my first acting class in April 2022.

Nothing had happened but I knew this was the start to something - a domino effect. I knew cutting my lease short was nyc telling goodbye!

TIME IS UP MOTHERF*CKER!

Truly, the universe will push you if you put yourself in the space to want it all.

I couldn’t tell that it was LA fully, that would be my next step but I knew it was the only possible next step - HOLLYWOOD!

Our lives has its own cycles and patterns. You have to see it, remember it, flow with it. Sometimes it is quite violent and really unsettling to be in a season like my Octobers which are either quiet and still or violently chaotic like a turnado ripping through every facet of my life.

What helps in being a source of comfort is really going the mile with my dreams and seeing the way my universe forms itself around it. My nyc apartment was a space I went big on, spent money on quality furniture and for the first time, made an apartment in nyc more of a home.

Going big and being in a space that almost feels like the top to remind myself this isn’t the top of my dreams. There are more floors above. More to conquer and More to ask for.

With how chaotic some months are, its nice when months like February come and Im met with more hope. Feb 2018 working with Clinique and Jan 2022 working with Net-A-Porter. Most February something great meets me, after months of silence or chaos.

Our lives has its own seasons. a rhythm. It's your job to see the patterns, clues, hints. Nothing is by chance, it's all intended. It may lay dormant waiting for the right moment to bloom but it's there for you.

6 years later I'm in LA for Acting.

The world is at your feet, why not ask to be given what's yours?

Everything matters till nothing matters, because everything is connected.

Whenever I talk about my journey, I always have to acknowledge my pets. They represent markers, a beacon of light on this journey. While God is in front creating my path, they've been beside me step by step. I think we miss out on the small things in life that refines our attention to detail. Like pets. Animals were given to us to care for them, idk why we've downplayed their significance as worthy companions on our journey. So many life lessons from being in love with them. There are no memories worth recalling without their presence. I miss you my lil fur balls! They showed me the depth of peace, patience and hope on this journey. It was clear they were both for my nyc journey as they died during the transitions occurring.

I didn't see the seasons in my life till I moved to nyc and one day in September probably 2018. I noticed how each month had a theme. lol realistically, I work maybe 6-8 months very hard on my dreams. Optimal capacity. The remaining months are still, quiet or turbulent & chaotic...

I'm either in a quiet season to observe and learn and rest or I'm being thrown around chaotically to grow like a rebirth, like time to grow stronger and transform.

I think we miss out on our seasons because we conform to society telling us we have to be...at whatever point in our lives. So we push hard when we should be resting. and vice versa. I know better than to work through a month like October when it needs me to be still. But I forgot and have been pushing in a month that has asked me to stop.

Jesus knew he had to do 40 days and nights in the dessert & would be tempted by the devil, just to be celebrated after on a donkey. The seasons are there. Whats your own cycle?

I think we have the answers we are looking for if we really observe and dwell on our lives having seasons & the clues that are around us.

I dont think this is special but rather an ordinary way we are meant to live.

The idea that this is even special makes us think we can’t do it - follow our dreams, but in reality this is all so ordinary.

We could all be able to talk about our lives, on some level if we are deeply dedicated to it.

Jesus had an ordinary life.

Crazy special things happened but he was truly living his destiny and that is what allowed the extraordinary to bloom.

I'm not special, Jesus isn't even special.

If he was, he would have been a talking bird performing miracles.

My guy came down as a human to show us how basic life is.

Drop everything and follow him aka drop everything and follow the path he has called you to.

Your life can only be extraordinary if you truly live in its ordinary.

And your ordinary is what you are truly called to be and do on earth.

Lol what I've said isn't special or mine blowingly new - it's simply just the stories and the connections from my very ordinary life that has me at the edge right now.

So this isn't some "hard intellectual" thing. It's just the wisdom and clarity that comes with fulfilling your purpose.

Beyoncé is ordinary and if she didn't follow her ordinary dream of being a star, her talent won't be so rich. You have to sharpen your talent and gift with the struggles and joy of life. It's the only way to being!

When we want to perform our gifts and talents in whatever capacity possible, we slowly grow in being ourselves- ordinary. We often see people live out their goals and dreams and think they are somewhat special, different, more talented, smarter, more beautiful and though they may be to some extent, these are humans like yourself. Ordinary humans doing what they are called to do.

In the 6 years I’ve walked this path of my dreams, Ive been able to tap into my bible verses that have carried me through when I needed a deeper source of comfort and encouragement.

"Be strong, Be courageous, all you that hope in the Lord." Psalms 31

The world is at my feet.

I believe we are children of God, whatever is Gods is mine.

Hence why we can never lack.

If you're a child to the richest man on earth, your dads Lamborghini is yours no? His money is spent on you, his world is yours.

If I'm a child of God, the world he owns is surely mine as well.

So if the world bows at his feet, if the world is under his feet, then surely the world is under mine.

This doesn't mean I have the same powers as he does, lol even your rich dad won't give you all his powers you're just a child.

But it does mean my actions, my beliefs should be more confident & bold. Like why are you scared to dream or to ask for what is yours? Don't you know who your father is?!

It's like Jesus, he was tempted in the desert 3x but he knew his father so he didn't need to flex for the devil - the power is already his. But when he was to die on the cross, as much as he asked for the cup to pass him, he still submitted to the vision.

The world is under my feet.

The world is under our feet.

Dream, Ask & It is yours!

How can you doubt what is for you?!

My LA apartment is mine. I had a clue in nyc that gave me the confidence to get this particular apartment. It has such a lush view of LA, so when my doubt comes or I lose faith, I look out my window and tell myself

"look at this view, look at you above LA, is it not clear the world is at your feet? Wipe your tears, restore your faith... this view was given to you. The world bows at your feet.”

We make people seem special to remove our closeness to being held accountable. 

Like Jesus or Beyoncé, damn they’re special so they could do….

I’m not so I can’t do….

lol everyone is so ordinary, there’s nothing so special that you can’t possibly do. 

That’s why as I watched Beyoncé on stage, I was like “what is she doing that I can’t?” Lol singing and dancing is so basic. Like deep how basic it is. So why stop myself from doing my own basic shit to achieve my own goals?! 

She’s a regular human being, no extra arm or leg. 

Jesus was so regular, he could walk on water because he was tapped into his purpose. We all can’t sing like Beyoncé or walk on water but what gift do you have? 

You’re just lazy and taking the quick way out. 

Nothing is so far out of your reach impossible, you just have not tapped into your gift.

I've never said I'm above humans/anyone/ any animal. Humility guides you through owning your gifts and talents and being grounded in kindness.

I'm above situations, circumstances, doubt, fear, laziness, etc.

Even Jesus never fell for that. The Pharisees were always trying to catch him. He always reminded them he is not above anyone.

Why you think he chilled with sinners?

My guy said he can tear down the synagogue and build it in a couple of days.

Lool what did I say before?

"I'd burn down my house to make sure I never lose sight of the stars"

Lool I just believe in what's mine and how highly I won't be distracted by nonsense. Every part of me wants my dreams to come through so every moment has to be aimed towards it.

It's like do you even believe in yourself?

Are you willing to risk it all to the very end?

I'm a star baby! Bitch slap you if you try to test me! Move out of my f*cking way peasant!

wow this was long to write.

In conclusion, ahaha, there is a way through following our hearts and our dreams. As exhausted as I am on this journey, I wouldn’t choose any other. I think there’s beauty in the chaos and joy and the yin yang of good and bad things happening sharpens the resilience and love to make our dreams come through.

God!! Im ready for Hollywood let it happen next year 2024!!

Ive moved, Im in class, I passed my driving test, I got the car… Im ready!

If you're going through life and certain bible verses hits your soul, keep record of it. 2017 I was in nyc without a job for 2-3 months, scary shit... anyways every Psalms that kept me encouraged still serves me now. With how desperate your soul needs to be comforted, it's easier to know the words of God that actually consoles you better. Don't wait till you're happy, it's not the same - gotta know your strongest weapons in the heat of your battle not at the end.

Your clues are all around you, I hope you see it and believe it!

Your clues are so personal to you, so it wouldn’t be possible to show you yours. But your openness and alertness matters. Im somehow into cars now and the amount of times I see a Porsche in LA has coincided with me believing my dreams are possible. It could be your bestie ending things, your job firing you, your side hustle taking off, your kids graduating etc. Its literally anything, but it will mean something to you if you deep the connection.

My clues guide me - it is all around me, but will I notice it? Calm down, stop for a second, think through your days and weeks - each clue was there.

WM-