Shadow Work
It's scary, but the freedom you want, the joy you seek is in your shadow. Stop running from yourself before you lose everything meaningful to you.
How well do you know yourself? How brave and willing are you to sit in the silence of your presence? Everything we need to know about ourselves to find our joy and inner peace lies within our shadows. SHADOW WORK.
Shadow Work is centered on the understanding of ourselves. The yin yang of our being. But it emphasises the part we seem to always run away from - our darkness.
To be human means to be day and night, sad and happy, hot and cold, good and bad, darkness and light. There is so winter without summer, no sunrise without sunset, no moon without the sun.
It is through my personal experience and life that I realized that the work truly lies within our shadows and the freedom and power we seek lies within that. So I coined the word - shadow work in my Instagram stories only to then find out a few days later it is actually a thing! haha Im incredibly smart if you didn’t pick that up already.
So, to answer this question,
lets revisit my Instagram posts:
Its the week when Darius calls out Keke Palmer for this amazingly joyful moment with Usher, on twitter. It screamed all things insecurity, misogyny and the lack of self discipline which relies on shadow work.
Im on a rant about it, because it reminds me of the ways women are controlled from birth - being told to prep for their future husbands. “can you cook well for him?” “ ah if you dont know how to… you wont get married!” and so on.. so women are raised to be less of themselves and more of a “wife” “mom” “servant to the world”.
At the same time, a classmate from my Acting school attempts to bully me in front of my peers, talking about “you sneak dissed me last term and dont think I didnt notice.”
Yh, I am as clueless as you. I ask her to please disclose what I said so I can apologize as we are all from different backgrounds and cultures so she might have misunderstood me but it would be best if she had approached me as soon as possible to clear up such miscommunication. As predictable as she was she deflected, and avoided letting me know what I said but proceeded to describe all the ways she is “better” than me and I am of no importance to her. Being in therapy, I can read through all that gibberish, she is insecure and projecting whatever issues she is running away from within herself. I know nothing about you than your first name, what could I possibly sneak diss a fellow student about?
I leave the group chat after saying my final words along the lines of “I hope you find the courage to address what issues you have instead of projecting it on to your colleagues”… for someone that says I am of no importance, she has gone lengths to belittle me in front of my peers all in the proclamation of her said greatness.
You wouldn’t need to convince everyone you are great, if you truly believed it enough for your actions to show it.
So as usual, I reflect on my life and thoughts on Instagram stories and the two occurences strike me as this:
I personally choose to work on myself through my work as an Influencer & my life as a human.
Cause to even understand how to be successful and enjoy your success, you must also tame your demons & face your shadows.
Look at Darius. Losing Keke & his reputation because of his insecurity got the best of him. Look at my classmate making a fool of herself in the group chat because she couldn't address her own insecurities. She won't see it now but she just showed how low she thinks of herself and my heart breaks for her. Not really. But really.
It is NOBODYS responsibility to make you see yourself or tell you who you are or navigate your feelings for you.
It's a choice you have to make to not be anchored down by the weights life has given you.
And it's easier to be upset at me than to address yourself & the reality of your wounds.
Darius could've easily shared his feelings as "what happened last night made me feel uncomfortable and I'd like to talk about it"
But he chose to bypass examining his emotions to shift the blame on Keke but not only did he try to make it a her problem, he also tried to belittle her in the process because he does feel she is above him.
Rather than my classmate tell me what I did to her, she bypassed it to tell me how much better she is than me and how insignificant I am to her.
Two adults that couldn't handle their feelings have shifted the blame on to someone else.
It's not my job to put into words what you can't communicate or learn to communicate. Pay a therapist to do that.
Face yourself.
It's scary, but the freedom you want, the joy you seek is in your shadow. Stop running from yourself before you lose everything meaningful to you.
Self discipline is power. It's rooted in your values, in your goals, in you being the best at being you.
You think Beyoncé can be this successful if she didn't train so hard to sing while dancing and jumping on stage.
You think Serena Williams could've conquered tennis without strict discipline. She's set the bar so high, everyone fears her on the court no matter how great they think they are.
Nobody gets you out of bed but yourself. It all has to come from you.
It’s crazy because in less than 24 hours after writing all the above from my instagram stories, I am met with this:
which was the moment that I discovered SHADOW WORK is already a term used and so my stories continue:
Everything you are
Everything you need
Is within you.
The good and the bad
Your power
Your voice
Your strength
Your weaknesses
Everything that will make you or break you is within you.
You have the answers.
It's your responsibility to look inwards: why are you so in need to be loved by those unkind to you?
why does it hurt to see someone else shine? how can you create more joy in your life?
It's hard, it's painful & I'm glad my therapist cheered me on. It's ok to rest but your life man needs it.
Self discipline is needed in the mastery of yourself. The mountain you wish to conquer is you! And the world will only bow at your feet when you can tame the shadow that follows you.
I say everything is connected. If I could share mine I would but I can't give you the secrets of my inner workings, some of you have evil in your hearts lol.
But look at your life. Ask for help with therapy, and you'll find your answers.
I step into a room, and I will always be spotted out. I stick out like a sore thumb even when I intentionally wish to be unseen.
There is light within all of us that is asking to be seen. It's unfortunate we have it dimmed by the darkness within.
Your spirit discerns who has light and who is pure and who is with love. It knows it.
When we lose our voice,
When we try to be someone else, When we lessen our values or goals,
It all affects our light.
I may be quiet and yet someone will still hate me, it is not me they hate. They hate my light, they hate that my shadow is tamed. They hate that I know my shadow.
You can't tell me who I am. I know who I am. My hands are clean cause I know who I am.
When the world tries to tell you who you are, it tries to dim your light, so you must rise and proclaim who you are.
Why do you think Jesus told everyone who he was? Even in death. Let no one conquer you.
This life is shadow work. Don't be fooled.
You are not defined by your shadow, weaknesses or bad. But if you let it go untamed, if you let it grow, it ultimately will define you to the world.
We see that with Kanye West - brilliant light, but his shadow is robbing him of all the light he gave our world. Tragic if he lets it be the dying thing of his memory.
Shadow work.
This life the work is in your shadows.
But it's not me anyone's shadow is allowed to play with. I'm light wherever I go. I don't need to talk down on anyone to be king.
Everyone around me stands & yet I am still powerful. My light still shines bright.
Remember when Jesus would be approached by the Pharasees, or humans possessed by demons...
They would always ask Jesus questions in front of a crowd to catch Jesus.
LOL it is the shadows He would reply.
And you see how he always gave smart replies? Replies that showed further the true intentions of these demons and Pharasees?
SHADOW WORK.
Jesus is the blueprint to self mastery & that is what he came down to show us.m
Sorry this is a sermon on a Sunday!!
May it reach you!
It's all connected. I know y'all are "broke" - reject it now! You are rich in Jesus name, Amen!
Your life is different
But I'm telling you, everything matters.
I don't buy dupes, if I'm aware of the real thing. I don't buy an "alternative" or "fake". I don't encourage my shadow to believe that I can't have what I want.
My apartment must hold my beliefs strongly.
Nothing in my space will add or disrupt my energy.
Like everything matters. If you can't afford the real thing, skip it. Tell yourself "wow it's $$$ , I can't wait to buy it some day" and work towards earning more & you'll have it.
You won't catch me in she in, you won't catch me on an influencer trip creating content in exchange for a flight and bed, lol like I take everything seriously.
WHY?
YOUR SHADOW FEEDS OFF IT! YOUR SHADOW IS SO FUCKING SMART.
You know that voice that tells you "you can't do it" "you are not enough" IT’S YOUR SHADOW. It knows you so well, because it watches you. So you must be ahead of it.
Everything in my apartment - is proof that everything I want is possible. It embodies my light. I take it all seriously.
Everything is deep to me. I talk about my life a lot. Everything holds meaning in this journey. Because it's part of how I'm building my dream life.
This journey doesn’t necessarily end, I don’t believe in ever being fully healed. As healing is continuous and a state of being aware of how complex we are as humans and in this life we live we are always coming across experiences that challenge us to keep growing and moving forward.
Shadow work is being comfortable with your yin yang, but not letting darkness be the stronger aspect of you. Learning to move ahead of it, learning to catch yourself and the ways your darker side wishes to be more dominant than your light. When people experience you, do they meet your light or your darkness?
You shadow is your darkness = your weaknesses, your negative thoughts, the things that make you run away or avoid or hide from, pushing you to run into the arms of others so as not to face it, not to do the work.
Shadow work helps you discover aspects of yourself like:
are you hiding behind drugs to avoid the responsibility that comes with fully being you?
do you hide behind alcohol because your constantly fear not being liked as you are? so your alcohol helps you to be freer. but you are overconsuming, passing out, and putting your health at risk to be “liked”
do you put up with friends and lovers that dont love you or value you or appreciate you because you do not feel good enough?
do you chase money, fame, newest clothes, newest things, because that is your way of seeking approval, acceptance, love?
do you want kids so badly because you feel so incomplete, you think they will fulfil you?
do you overwork yourself, because you fear being at home alone faced with your feelings?
do you seek to control your girl friend because you cant control your own life? because you are so unhappy with your life?
are you jealous of me because I take life by the balls and you are still living your life in a way that leaves you sad and uninspired?
There are so many ways our shadows manifest in our lives and the only way to see it, is to take everything seriously and deeply. I always say “everything is connected” because there is a why to our actions, our thoughts, our feelings and the only way to explore this is to face yourself: go to therapy, read books, journal, find your answers to your why. I recommend starting with therapy for guidance, sharing your stories, your pain and joy really opens up the inner parts of you closed off. A safe space to share who you are is the best gift to yourself.
It is your responsibility to know and tame your shadow.
Eg, you watch a movie. Character A. Brilliant, talented maths genuine. He has Ivy League schools at his finger tips. He has reached the top ladder of his career.
One thing he never addressed was his "need to be liked" so one day he's out with his friends, they make fun of him "you're always a good boy, let's do coke together..." my guy knows it's not a wise choice. But he buckles… "Ÿh sure, it's just coke" my guy hasn't even done weed in his life but he has never confronted the fact that he has always been driven to succeed at maths because that was the only way his parents would love him. That's the only way he was loved or praised as a kid, so he always"won at maths" in hopes his parents would love him.
So in this moment, he chooses to do coke, and this need continues. He can't stand up to his friends to say no. He wants them to like him. So every time they ask "let's do coke" he says yes till he finally catches himself at the end of the movie- a druggie who lost everything he ever loved - his wife, kids etc because he never faced his lurking shadow "the need to be liked"
Shadow work is addressing who you are when no one's looking. It's like confronting your demons.
Your evil. Your weak spot. The thing hidden away but can only be seen by you. It is everything you run away from or mask about yourself.
WM x
This is so brilliant!!!! Thank you! God bless