If it hasnt been said, most of my thoughts are activated by lifes happenings. I instantly see a connection and my thoughts flow so quickly, sometimes the easiest way to share it is on Instagram stories.
Last night this thought was activated by Jonathan Majors alleged arrest in nyc over the weekend. I am not shocked entirely because really who do we know in this life more than ourselves, and even the journey of knowing ourselves is a continuous discovery each blessed day.
When I saw the news my mind instantly went to “my life goal is to weed out toxic behaviours in myself and others so I dont mess up all that I have worked for and have been given.”
Instantly thinking of Meg and her incident with Tory. Someone as amazing as her should not have even had Tory close to her. But this life. They tell women our values are too high, and when you let your standards go, you entertain useless men. As you get successful, as you try to change your life, don't forget to change your lifestyle & the sort of behaviors you entertain within yourself & others. A lot of our favs let their inner turmoil or outer lifestyle & behaviors get the best of them. Life really. But at least be aware that you've built something that should be protected w/ the utmost discipline. You're too good for a lot of things in this life.
You're too good to let anger dictate your action.
You're too good to let loneliness dictate your action.
You're too good to let addiction ruin your life.
You're too good for anything that doesn't lift you high & keep you high.
When you realize a lot of things are distractions, you really start to see what's a waste of your time because it puts you in a vulnerable position.
I truly believe a lot of things are connected.
And something as someone not being honest or their need to pretend their fake dh gate buy is the real thing or even friends that use "jokes" to pass a cheeky comment etc...
It translates to deeper shit. Those aren't people I keep around me because I've seen how it transforms to deeper issues.
Lol even the girls that are constantly dating & can't stay on their own... these behaviors grow to something bigger and it's time that will show you on your personal journey with yourself.
Like Tory was the unknown guy that came on ig live & made a space for women to twerkkkk & his hype was just limited to that.
But somehow the hype got him closer to Meg. And I always thought it was a weird pairing because Meg is above a ton of that. She has fun on her own terms, not for whoever’s approval. But someone like Tory, he wasn't doing twerk videos as some good ole fun stuff. His vibe is very grimy.
She's well above what Tory's lifestyle could do for her compared to hers. So that whole situation, I'm sure she's learnt to be very careful w/ men & who she associates with in the industry. You really don't know anyone till they pull out a gun on you.
If you have a roof over your head, enjoy the four walls of your home cause when you step out looking for whatever, problem can be on the other side.
It reminds me deeply of the little vices we hold within ourselves that we make excuses for or take lightly and how aggressively that small matchstick fire turns into a forest fire coming for all we have. How could you want success so badly yet throw it all away for a man, a woman, alcohol, drugs, sex, anger, pride, ego, greed and the list goes on…
When everything is important to you - the way you dress, the way you feel, the way you talk to yourself then even the company you keep around you should be. Every part of your life should experience the same level of standard, value and discipline you built.
I have not spoken about it deeply but this one of the reasons I stopped dating apps. I realized men my world wouldn't collide with, I was meeting them & engaging with energy that doesn't match mine. Exposing myself to a world beneath all I’ve worked on in myself and for my world. because of what?
lol I don't want to meet men, I don't want that sort of vice in my life. the way society positioned women to seek men has put us in a dangerous cycle of wanting male validation & when you deep that connection to why you’re so sad, why you need to marry asap, why you think children are the end & be all of your happiness... you see the patterns that follow women constantly. Some within their control & some greater than... the need for male validation is toxic and bleeds into all areas of our lives…
If you can't see how male validation can be a problem in your life, it's not in marriage that you'll be any better. Lol you've already married someone out of fear of loneliness or childlessness, God help you if it's now an abusive man... like these stories of teenage boys killing girls for saying no ... you have to ask who taught them to seek a woman's attention in the first place? That their whole ego is placed on a girl saying yes to them.
So the cycle repeats itself. You raise kids teaching them to seek validation outside of themselves & continue the cycle of abuse, unhappiness & despair.
Anyways, life is connected. The little behaviors you hold ultimately defines future storylines. It's just how soon or later will you catch you' re heading to a dark place before the darkness consumes you.
lol even the people that can't compliment me without bashing or degrading themselves. Sorry you'll be at arms length till you sort yourself out. There's a level of jealousy & insecurity you haven't confronted in yourself & I am not going to stick around to find out how it ends.
Lol Im the girl that steps into the room & is noticed. Not even in a bragging way, but again if you don't deep your amazingness you end up chilling with the Torys of the world. I listen to the words people use to describe me. "You're glowing" "You stand out in a crowd" Etc
Lol if you're a jealous insecure friend, you won't be able to handle it. Because it's constant & flowing in my life.
Even the men Im with can't handle it. I've had strangers walk up to me with a guy and say "you're lucky to have such a beautiful woman" meanwhile that could've been a friend. Or how a guy notices that we step into a room & so many people are staring or coming to tell me how beautiful I am.
That's always shown me what I needed to know about the guy. And it took me a while to realize what it meant for me & the right person I'd end up with.
So yh a lot of ourselves is shown by the words we use, the actions we take, the lifestyle you hold. Sometimes you can tell what's ahead of you if you see the patterns in your life.
So again,
I NEED TO CHANGE MY LIFE. Is an active experience
When you take a deeper look into Meg, the fact she had never seen or dealt with a gun before that dreadful night is a peak pointer on how she really didn't match Tory's lifestyle. And you really have to be above a lot of things and the mentality people choose to live and die by.
You really have to look at people so you can protect yourself. Lol can't be friends with someone that has a gun or carries one and not expect to be shot or included in a violent act.
Reminds me of my abusive roomie. That experience really showed me in this life don't put yourself in spaces beneath your own life experiences if you can avoid it. But mostly look at people and see who they are. lol people have hate in their heart and for someone like me so focused on my life goals. I could care less about anyone else occupying that space so Im already above alot. You're out here thinking how to hate your friend, me I'm here thinking about how to give more love to myself. We clearly shouldn’t be communicating on any level.
This morning the title of the thought came to me as I reflected on so many moments in my life that this could storyline could apply to. As I read morning devotional, it echoes my thoughts: “don’t let your emotions rule you” “when you come face to face with our own inner conflicts, especially conflicts caused by our sins… rather than give into guilt, shame, or angrily shift the blame to someone else we can take a moment to quiet out hearts and ask the Holy Spirit to give us perspective”.
You are too good for alot of things in this world.
Truly, a lot of the work we do to gain accolades, advancement in our careers, gym sessions to look fit and hot, all needs to be applied to our inner selves and the company we keep with those around us and the vices in our lives.
Look at yourself, Look at the people around you… what are you going to lose if this matchstick lights up?
WM
🖤💗💛